On Christmas Season

Christmas is defined individually by every person living in this world.  Others would treat Christmas as the best season in the year, for they expects gift from their loved ones. People working in every office define Christmas as the most awaited time for they will   spend vacation with their    family and friends laughing together sharing of gifts and spending  time at any bars having conversations and other socialization.  How did I spend mine?  For twenty five years of existence in this world I never experience profound happiness every time Christmas season arrives.

 I remember those days when my late father still alive, we just spent our Christmas Eve without any food to eat. I made a promise to myself that time that I have to be good for my studies so that someday I would be happy when we celebrate Christmas, many gifts, various foods in table for noche buena those were just in my mind for I thought Christmas is a time when many foods are prepared and many gifts should be given, well it was a simple thought of a young age. I was six years old that time.

            Many Christmas seasons had  passed by, many problems I had been through, many people I’ve met and many people went away. It’s my four years of teaching in college I met a lot of students  getting to know with them and even share my failures and success in life with them.  For four years of teaching I observed  some positive changes in me , I learn  how to be patient and I  learn to listen others feelings  I became sympathetic. Before , when I was in college I am so self centered. Too much focus to my dreams and that is to finish my studies. I only have few friends , I don’t give much attention to people around me like someone who has plan to give extra care. What I mean a person who might have plans to be my special someone. Christmas that time for me is  just an ordinary day. I greet every person I met I  converse  but not in a  sincere way.  I got irritated with the Christmas decors hanging on maybe because I am not used to that.  Every time I see some lanterns and Christmas lights it reminds me of how poor we are that time. We used to spend  our time outside  every Christmas eve waiting for our neighborhood to call us and share us some food then a little gaze at the sky for too many wonderful  fireworks were flying.  December 2005 was the most memorable Christmas in my life. It was the last Christmas  where I was in the presence of my father. I never thought of losing him because during the time when I was there with them we were so happy. It was our first Christmas where no worries, no quarrel because I am already used to  when Christmas arrives there’s always quarrel within the family. There was a time when I was at the back of our house trying to hack  a wood using the [adz]. Father saw me and he hurriedly took the adz and hugged me and said “you don’t need to do that my son, you supposed to rest hold a pen and think of your lessons, I want you to succeed and be a professional and not a laborer” I was touched by his word, the wood is supposedly intended for the rice cake baked but it was drenched  by my tears when my father left after hacking those woods. I just cant believed that time that he could utter those inspiring words.  After Christmas that time I left home and went to General Santos City to continue my studies, it was three months left before I graduated  my college  degree. March 2, 2006 a very shocking news came to me. My father died, first reaction was that it was not true at all. It was just a text from a “prank texter” I thought but suddenly the my obsolete phone rang and a reliable person informed me that Papa was really died. I never knew he was experiencing pain in his stomach before I left and it was Christmas as I remembered. Tears falling and I sobbed as if I lost a very precious thing truly I lost my father.  I thought we could still spend wonderful Christmas in the next year. I never think of many food to prepare, many gifts but all I wanted was his presence. If only he was still alive we would have that first Christmas where I would show him my first salary, my first gift, however it was only a dream because Papa could no longer see  all these wonderful  things in me.